blacK solitude

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

I'm leaving today, actually in 10 minutes time.
Stupid of me to take my time out isn't it? I dunno....just...just....will miss ya'll soo much. It's just...
soo mushy, and yet ...it's just how I feel. Really dun wanna start crying now. It'll be like... so, embarrasing, but tears are already starting to swell up. Stupid grace. Just kill my emotions now, will ya... I...feel so stupid.
really just wanna say goodbye.

wait.... and...
I'll miss ya all.
Really.
Loads.

P.S. If the damn coffin does comes, tell him to put it at my door.

sharon was alone 7:10 PM

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I'll be leaving for Prague tomorrow... On this last practice session, we got scolded yet again...sigh. I really hope we'll work when we get there as at least mantain the standard. Really hoping that stage fright won't pull off on us. *prays*

Today we finally got our black t-shirts, and well, they look kinda weird with our gowns, or maybe, I'm just not used to it, that's all. I love the scarves though, although they really break and fray easily... like the design and colour.

I'm gonna bring real loadss of food ( well, you know, I'm a glutton, not to mention that it winter...makes people feel even more hungry ). Hope that it will last ><...

I gotta sign off now, last minute packing ><
Will not be blogging for 'bout a week or one and a half weeks, so take care.

Wish me good luck and good journey....please?

Coffin's STILL not here yet. Guess i'll be making it for this trip.

sharon was alone 8:36 PM

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Monday, November 21, 2005

havent been posting much lately. reccently been real busy with choir, but before i left, finally found time to make a blog for Jena with Galen. Jena kinda likes her blog, I can see, but she just dosen't want to say it. It's well, kinda happy for her, I guess.
Okay I gtg soon. no actually now. Post next time. Ta-ta.

P.S loads of preparation for trip going on...huff-puff...

sharon was alone 12:22 AM

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Friday, November 18, 2005

hmm...my mom just banned me from playing the computer...boohoo...i feel so sad...
Leaving soo fast...
I still can't help being soo sad.
Sigh, banned from playing.
Sigh sigh sigh.

Was even thinking of cancelling my order ofr the coffin. I guess I still need it then...

sharon was alone 9:53 AM

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Thursday, November 17, 2005

Just came back from Choir. Eaten my dinner and im realllly full. Been looking at my 2005 calender....and I realised that I did not really know many people's birthdate...sigh. I'm a real birthdate freak, so I mighta go on a collecting spree again....

Choir today was...well...I don't actually know... I kept getting criticized, but oh well. I think I can take that...( hope so) I must! I mean, if I can't even take this meagre thing then what about other things? Gambadeh! Grace! ( that's me, that's me)

So far, on my calender, there are only four birthdates in January...hmm....
Not commenting in fear of depressing myself again. Hope everyone is happy....
I kinda think i pissed Sharon off....sigh, sorry.
Might wanna employ Galen to cheer her up....

Now, let's all cheer up.

I dream

I dream, Of waterfalls,
Casading down great walls of cold rocks.
Their clear waters flowing into the spring,
Refreshing, Calm and magnificent,
And oh! How the waves crash down,
Sounds of the water that calms souls.
And, the picture it paints,
Just flowing down, with plants dotting the background....
A place where the soul is living.

I dream, Of plains,
Large plains of grasses, their flowers
adding colour to the scene.
Wide, Green, and marvelous,
And, the smell of the beautiful flowers,
Just makes you fall into a never-ending sleep.
And, the scene it depicts,
The wide field, with the endless blue sky....
Heaven to the living.

I dream, Of a forest,
Where the mistical force keeps you spellbound.
A place where adventure is,
Where faries, gnomes, and other fairyfolk prowl.
And the huge trees, with branches
that covers the sky,
Letting small beams of sunlight through.
Leading me into fairyland,
A place of it's own.

I dream, Of legends,
that no one have heard of before.
Of places that is a mystery to all.
Even if the dreams are impossible,
I still dream. Dream dreams never dreamt of before.
Dream of a wonderful place,
Dream of a world of my own.

Genbeigot De Lavonia

Hmm...how's the poem? I think it's a little weird, but oh wellz, it's specially for Sharon. Dun ever stop dreaming, gal!
Sorry 'bout the ending though. Really couldnt find a nice way to end it....

sharon was alone 8:25 PM

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Forgot to add....yesterday, went a little shopping with my jie... and bought some hair stuff,as well as collected my new specs....Hope it dosent look so bad....

My jie's leaving today...and I just missed saying goodbye to her....really sad....
ARGH!
stupid feeling...

sharon was alone 10:26 AM

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

heyo. Todays....well...
no comments.
going to tuition later....
sigh, my luggage is not even packed....im so going to die, aren't i?
sigh...

sharon was alone 5:17 PM

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

I feel sad...
Tuition's tomorrow...and I haven't been able to come up with a design for my tuition teacher's goodbye card. I never really realised, but i guessed I really liked him- I mean, all his students do. He's just really nice, and I seriously think he teaches well. I will really miss him when he's not teaching us anymore- can't imagine. Sigh.
How I wish he wasen't the one leaving....

sharon was alone 8:06 PM

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We Knew

Hold my hand,
take my heart.
Lead me back to dreamer's path.

Hug me tight,
Close your eyes.
Although our hearts are breaking,
Our love is still alive.

Love is but an illusion,
Emptyness, but a thought.
Hurt though, the feelings true,
But, in the end,
All's for nothing-
We knew that from the start.

And yet
We are not letting go,
Still hanging on,
Tightly,
On feelings not meant to live.

We came from two worlds
So far apart.
Heavens was playing with our destiny.

Even if time would stop,
We knew,
We could never be together.
And so,
I'm going to break your heart,
I'm making the first move.
Leaving you behind
in a world, where there's still love to spare
For you.

I hoped you would hate me;
But I think you already knew.
Because on that fateful day,
An hour before,
You did, what I planned to do.

I wondered, If
they had wanted it to be this way.
Beside your grave,
I knelt down, and looked up
To the sky, Whispering
Softly, I told them
Tears blurring my vision,
We knew,
From the start, We
Knew.

Genbeigot De Lavonia

How's the poem??? Enjoy!~~~

sharon was alone 9:54 AM

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Sunday, November 13, 2005

I'm coming a little more to my senses now. I feel so ungrateful... really wanna thank everyone for all the wonderful birthday wishes and the lovely birthday presents. I didn't expect so much of 'em probably because I've been trying to keep my birthday a secret- I'm well....kinda unlucky on my birthday...or so I think...

I seriously have been checking out my presents...especially the one from Su Luan and Chad, which was the horoscope book....just that it is in chinese..I'm not exactly that good in chinese, and the present from my parents, which was a creative neeon MP3 player. I have been using it quite often nowdays. It adds to my love for music.

I have been trying to do more positive things lately. Got an idea from my S&D teacher to start an anthology of poems....hopes this works out.( Im hoping mainly for two reasons. One, I do things at my whim. Two, I err....cant really write poems, at least not good ones, as you can see.)

Okays, talked a lot today. Better get off now...See ya next post...

sharon was alone 11:36 PM

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Friday, November 11, 2005

I'm older by another year today... but I sure feel MUCH older than just a year.

Choir today was stressful. REALLY, stressful. By the time we reached Dunman for this...really sudden exchange, I was really, seriously freaking out. When we finally performed...well....let's not go into details, shall we? Just have to say that the first song Gloria really calmed me down quite a bit. I really thought we were going to die, but when we first started out...it really was not that bad...or so I thought, because the leaders all say that our performance suck today, but I really can't agree.

Rushed down 10 minutes late for my make-up swimming class today. Swam for two lessons before rushing home- quite tired.

So, happy 15th birthday to myself...(altough it's not exactly happy)
My coffin's still not up yet. No mood to write a complain letter now...

A short poem now... :

Sakhoriano Motaoi /part II

A letter for the living,
Written by the dead.
A note that is decieving,
Laced in words of hate.

Look deeper and search again,
Piece the pieces slowly together,
Find the path of he two worlds,
And get lost, in this timeless place...

Lavonia

sharon was alone 10:52 PM

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Thursday, November 10, 2005

I. hate. birthdays., and i've just got a reason to hate this one.
My birthday's coming tomorrow....actually, in 1 min time, and i'm not looking forward to it- at all. Eleventh of november. How sucky can it be? Very. I seriously want to die, no, I actually feel dead already.

Today sucks. And tomorrow's gonna be even worse. I just can't understand why all this is happening...I seriously don't know what's wrong, and why he is so angry...but oh well..
Think. Tomorrow's yet another ultimation, on my stupid fifteenth birthday. Sigh, the world's gonna have another case of "girl dying on her fifteenth' birthday". Hope it makes the headlines...naa, i dun really like THAT much publicity...

Wishing me good luck for my birthday....

Where's that damn coffin....eeps, im getting ruder by the minute. Maybe it's the tiringness of awaiting death....

For the people who are going to give away their lives tomorrow together with me- a poem for you:

Sing, like no one's hearing,
Dance, like no one's seeing.
Only then can the sence be portrayed,
Lived, by your own heart's fill.

Imagine,
the way you want it all to be,
Close your eyes,
paint the pictures with your movements,
graceful and pure,

And, Colour
them with your voice,
Clear as the waters of the spring.

Let the passion run wild,
And perform,
Lift your head high, and perform,
Let it be the best it can be.

But even if the show is over,
and regrets are still clearly lain;
Walk down the aisle with your head held up,
never, laid down in shame.

For this is your performance,
not anyone else's-
And the real judge is not them,
but you,--yourself.

And if tears should come,
Let them fall.
For sucess is not without failure,
Embrace your regrets,
and move on...

Lavonia

sharon was alone 11:59 PM

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Wednesday, November 09, 2005

woke up relatively late today....bout around 11.30 am...

Today, i went out with my sis to search for new year clothes in This Fashion. After walking around for reaaaaaaally loong, finally managed to get two tops and a pants...but I didn;t take the pants in the end.Our next destination was long John Slivers, and i think I got cheated by the cashier....hmm...sigh, you know, blur me. After that, we kinda went around the shops and i got myself this really cuute small monkey keychain for s$2.90. Got a bigger version at home- given by melissa for my 14th's birthday.

Oh yah, in tuition later, our teacher broke the news that he was not gonna teach us anymore...really sad, cause I thought he was a great teacher!!

Haha, boring entry, writing most just facts due to time limit XD reaaaly gotta go now...post up next time.

I might be cancelling my order. Probably this coffin-seller has too many to make...

sharon was alone 11:55 PM

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Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Hmm...
Today's a really weird day...I mean, yes, it's weirdly normal, yet because of our choir practice, it almosts feels ....well....weird.
My birthday's coming ( I do hope NO one remembers, so, if you pass by this blog and you know me, and if u also happen to remember my birthdate, please pretend you forgot it, for me ). Well, not so big a deal, you say- I feel so too. Sigh. Not much to write....it's like I have become temperarly speechless. Well, that's all....I guess...

Tian insists that I stop babbling. Chad is away...and grace is dead.
What a nice ending, don't you think?

sharon was alone 11:30 PM

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Saturday, November 05, 2005

Finally finished learning my A1 piece for my piano....my B piece is a killer, though><. Written a poem, not that good though, but o well, I've got like, nothing else to post, so, here it is :

Winter Lullaby

Winter lullaby,
song of snow, lull me back to sleep.
A distant, lonely melody,
that drifts with the chilling breeze.
For outside is cold, and the road to home,
is covered in layers of snow.
The wind will haunt you, leaving you off track;
Out there, hungry, and cold.

Winter lullaby,
this soft song, blow my soul to ease.
Sing, sing it to me again,
And lead me, lead me to the land of dreams.
For dreamland will take away the cold, the pain,
and replace it with summer's breeze...

And although my body is suffering on earth,
My soul....
My soul will be set free

grace11

hope it's still acceptable to u guys...hehe, gtg now.

P.S. Coffin's still not ready. Eeps, maybe it's because I didn't pay the deposit ><

sharon was alone 11:50 PM

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Friday, November 04, 2005

....currently speechless.
Can't really believe I managed to pass the first choir audition for Gloria, but no matter, that's really not my worst song. Just LOOk at my De Angelis and see why. Keep changing to different parts that even I cannot catch up with my note. Sigh. And...why does something have to crop up on my birthday? Sigh.

I'm not actually as I depressed as I was yesterday...even if I sound like I am. Really hoping my reccording project will work. It is something like making a CD, just that the tracks are from different people and-of course- I, am the manager^^. Isn't really working though. People are supposed to BOOK the tracks, but instead, I'm begging people to do the tracks. Feels pathetic.

Coffin's not here yet. Probably because I'm not dead ( I mean, if I'm dead, they'll have to speed up on the crafting- hey, that's where the body goes, doesn't it?) , but I must say this service is bad...just hope they dun run away with my money...

sharon was alone 8:30 PM

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Thursday, November 03, 2005

....
It's a bad, really horrid day, and I just feel like dying.
Really exhausted metally and physically and I'm really numb to all feelings... almost like how a robot would feel.

Hope my coffin comes soon, if not I'll probably die before it comes...

sharon was alone 9:59 PM

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Recieved requests for the lyrics of " Call Of Spring ", I'm not gonna deny you guys anything, so here it is :

Me-zue Tai-nei
Call Of Spring

In my language( Kirinmat)

Ti-ta me-a shak-le
hai-no ko to be
zon-le un-shi ko-rae
ou-i zu lek-te

Ti-ta me-a oak-she
Hai-yo no-o-om
Yun-no e-mo e-te
sa-yoh kot-tse tai-te

i, i sa ko me-zue
le-mo sa-su-de
o-a se-su a-mm-te
so-shin ba-so tei-ru

i, i to ko-ma-te
ki-lu zu yee ma
ha-ku me-lu ki-te
tai-u o-zo-no

In English

Little one awaken
Waken to the calls
Of the birds around you
Of the beasts that roam.

Little baby, rise up
Welcome to the dawn
Let the sunlight flood in,
Brighten up the world.

Sing, sing this song of spring,
Hug the mighty trees,
Let them take you hand-in-hand.
Walk the path of life, and,

Sing, take in waterfalls,
Shimmering in the light,
Tread in tune with nature,
Heading for the light.

__end___ enjoy!

sharon was alone 12:21 AM

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Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Life's okay.
Been busy training for the Prague competition, and actually looking forward to training tomorrow. For once, I feel like I'm ready and geared up to go...hmm...

Not much's been happening lately...lazing aroung most of the time when I'm not practicing choir scores. Wrote lyrics for a new song today. The song's for winter, just like Call of Spring was for spring. It's entitled " Snowflakes" but I haven't found a matching tune for it yet. Haiz.

My shooting skills are really degrading too. Just played a few rounds of gunbound and feels like crap. I mean, hey, what's up with the curses?

I found another friend who's intrested in coffins for herself though she's not preparing to die so fast yet. Says she doesn't want maggots eating up her body so fast after she passes away...
Wonder if my mom will let me have a coffin-shaped cake for my birthday...probably not though, I'm not usually like that...ya know.
Is teak wood good?

sharon was alone 11:55 PM

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